Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the_xiphias' LiveJournal:

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Monday, December 18th, 2006
4:28 pm	verse I could probably be an evil mastermind if I was more grounded in realistic goals like conquering an island nation or covering a prostitute in molten gold (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 18th, 2006
5:57 pm	Status Report I am being scanned. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
3:52 pm	There is a big friends-only post here If you are here, reading this, and really want to hear about my life, and for some reason you are not friended, then post a comment and let me know. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
6:16 pm	It's 67 degrees outside and the air is so crisp and sharp it makes you want to dance and weep I am sure that tomorrow it will be cold and miserable again but today, today it feels like halloween night outside. (Comment on this)
6:02 pm	A Story Of Some Minor Interest Yesterday, for the first time this year, I was getting a haircut. When I arrived at the boutique* after work I thought it was closed, it was so empty. Only one woman was working and she was helping some poor old thing dye her hair. I took my seat and waited. Then a slightly chubby teen, probably 13 or so, comes in and gives a very long and stilted name and phone number. Then he leaves immediately. Turns out his father had dropped him off at the curb so he could get in line for his hair cut a few prescious seconds early. That struck me as kind of unnecessary, given that the store was visibly deserted, but whatever. Anyways some meth-lookin' gal comes out from the back of the store right as I begin my haircut so the guy pretty much gets his hair cut instantly. He's almost entirely bald so it doesn't take as long as mine (I require a shampoo, rinse, and a permanent!) so he leaves before I do. As I'm leaving the store I decide to check out the Gamestop in the same shopping complex. There a car honking its horn repeatedly but it doesn't really register in my mind, other than, "goddamn that's annoying." Until I approach the Gamestop. Turns out the honking car is parked right out in front, and the driver is just LAYING DOWN on the horn at this point. He went from honking every few seconds to just holding it down nonstop. As I go into the store I realize it's the bald man that got his haircut. My incredible mind quickly deduces that the son must gone to the gamestop while the dad got his hair cut. Now the father wants to go home but the son is entranced in some playable demo or some shit. The father has the car window rolled down and sees me looking at him as I walk in. "Hey," he says. I don't like where this is going, I think. I know what's going to happen but am powerless to stop it. "uh, hey." I reply. "Could you go in and yell** at-" "No. How about you just go in yourself, ok?" Then I turn around and walk in. He goes back to honking the horn. I figure he's going to storm in here and chew out his kid for not leaving and me for not doing his dirty work - that's what my dad would have done. But no. He honks his horn for another few minutes, then pulls away and parks. And then starts honking again. I spend about 15 minutes in the store, and the whole time the son is playing a game and the father is honking from his parking spot. What a lazy, shitty dad. *OK, so it was a Fantastic Sam's, not a boutique. Shut up. **He said "yell at". He did not say "ask" or "tell," he said "yell." He wanted me to go into the store (6 feet from where he parked) and yell at his son for him. And yeah, he was pretty fat. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
8:30 pm	THE SECRET TRUE ORIGINS OF THE XIPHIAS ( Read more... ) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 11th, 2005
1:29 am	Real-life conversation that is real So I'm lying on the couch with my laptop on my lap. My friend, who has been playing We Love Katamari with me, is leaving because we are both tired. As she leaves I have her and turn off the playstation and tv because I am too tired to grab the remote, let alone get up. Here's the honest-to-god actual transcript of our parting conversation. "You'll have to get up anyways," she says after mocking my laziness. "You've got a computer on your lap." "I can totally sleep like this. I sleep with my computer all the time." I reply. "Besides, it's nice and warm." "And it'll make you impotent if you keep it on your lap." "I might as well be impotent, for all the good my potency does me." "You never know," she says. "You and a lesbian may decide to have a kid together, and you'll end up making it the old-fashioned way." "What, with a turkey baster?" "No! The old fashioned way: all over her face. You'll say, 'trust me, I went to college, and they taught us this is how you make babies.' And since she is a lesbian and never went to high school, she'll believe you." "Splurt, splurt." (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 10th, 2005
2:30 am	INTERNET INTERNET Sometimes a group of people become so dumb they go out the other side, glowing brightly with brilliance. ( Read if you are gay enough to read a chatelogs. ) (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 8th, 2005
2:48 pm	Oh man, the retarded guy that pushes carts at the grocery store is FULLY EQUPPIED for winter and he looks like a fucking ninja. All you can see are his cold, cruel, retarded eyes. I love winter. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
11:32 am	The first real snow of the season It was snowing when I woke up at 8, it is still snowing now. It is pleasant to watch, but cold. Like Miguel, that bitch. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
2:34 pm	I have had a dream, my children. In this dream, I was in an apocalyptic wasteland. I leave out "post" because the apocalypse was still in progress. In my dream, I was a kid, probably around 13. My sister (roughly my age) and I (note that I do not actually have a sister) had fled the madness of the cities to take refuge in the country. We were running in the forest, fearing pursuit, and we came across an old abandoned farm. We were approaching the farm house itself when something emergd from the partially burnt barn. We were chased by a PACK OF BEARS. (The animal, of course.) We ran in terror across the barren fields, the bears closing in. We came to the edge of the field, which was protected by an earthen wall topped with barbed wire. We found a trench dug through the wall, under the wire, and ran through. We hid in the shadows and the bears ran past us. Then, we took off into the forest again. We came across some other abandoned homes but couldn't find any people. After an extended "scared and wandering through abandonded farms, forests and towns" sequence we came across some other surivivors, near a smallish town. We had wound up in some weird abandonded amusement park, and were hiding out in the maintence shed. We were planning on taking a strange vehicle (like the one from Land Of The Dead, really) out to head towards where-ever. At this point we were attacked, by monsters/demons/aliens. They had appeared everywhere. As they attacked us, I became aware that I had some mystical ability of some kind. You know how, when you have a lucid dream, you can control the dream? It was like that, although I didn't realize I was dreaming. At any rate, I was able to tear apart the aliens with my mind, drive them mad, make them kill each other, etc. One of the few survivors (only about 5 of the original 20 or so made it) told me that I was the second coming of Christ. I was skeptical. The survivors and I fled (the vehicle was the first thing the aliens destroyed.) We came across an old fort that had been turned into a prison by...someone. Some of the prisoners were still alive. The survivors had adopted me as their leader, and I ordered the prisoners freed. Then, I realized that this had to be a trap - who sets up a prison with no guards? I realized that this must be a trap. I started interrogating prisoners one at a time to see who was truly a prisoner and who was a spy or whatever. The questions I asked were similar to the questions asked in Bladerunner's whoever-voigt test. One of the prisoners realized I was on to her, and her flesh ripped open to reveal she was full of scary shit. We managed to kill her. Another prisoner attacked without chaging, and we killed him too. I was trying to decide if it was even worth it to free anyone else when I woke up. This is actually pretty typical for a dream of mine - I'm someone else, there's a complex narative going on, things are freaky and weird, people die. I think, honestly, that deep down my subconscious wants to be a hack writer, not an engineer. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 1st, 2005
10:55 pm	HAPPY WORLD AIDS DAY A I D S I HOPE YOU GET AIDS (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 28th, 2005
11:37 am	Depressingly accurate! the_xiphias Look out for the m HOLE Username: From Go-Quiz.com (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 18th, 2005
11:33 pm	Edit: Now EVERYONE gets to see! Sometimes you find a user-icon you can never unfind, no matter how hard you try. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
6:47 pm	I think I need to sleep more than 4 hours a night I got home and opened the fridge to grab a soda. And, sitting next to the soda, were the salt and pepper shakers. I have no memory of putting them in there. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
3:02 pm	I am FUCKING SICK goddamit I had what felt like a cold. "We should let your body fight it naturally." Says the very greek doctor (he is even exposing his hairy chest and gold necklace, I swear.) "If you're not better in one week's time come back. No antibiotics for now, though. Best to fight it naturally." *8 days later* "Well, doc," I say, "I feel better but I still have this cough. Dr. Accopopcococopolisokysics said to come back if I wasn't healthy after a week." "Well, since you're feeling better," Said the young and attractive female doctor, "I don't think we need to prescribe any antibiotics." *4 days later* "COUGH COUGH OH GOD I'M COUGH COUGH COUGH DY- COUGH COUGH -ING." I say. "Hey," says a friend. "As you know, I work at a school. Whooping cough is going around. Read these symptoms." "Hm." I say. "Cold like symptoms for COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH two weeks. Then the cold-like symptoms leave and the cough worsens. The cough comes in episodes and the patient may feel fairly ok between episodes. Whooping cough can last for COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH several months?! SEVEN FUCKING WEEKS ON AVERAGE? Fuck." *The Very Next Day* "I think I have whooping cough." "Yeah, it sounds like you do." "..." "Unfortunately antibiotics won't do anything at this stage. You'll have to ride it out." "For upwards of a month." "Yes." "..." "Here's some prescription-strength cough syrup, with codeine." "Fair enough." This is my first COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH *gasp* COUGH COUGH COUGH serious LJ so it's quite a watershed moment! Not only has it destroyed my exercise routine (seeing as how even a walk to the bathroom can trigger an episode) but I will most likely be sick for the remainer of current project at work, which is already behind schedule. Fuck. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 28th, 2005
12:48 am	tonight in the shower I realized something the word "flesh" is an onomatopoeia. you have like a big juicy roast or a tender brisket and you tear it apart with your hands it goes "fleesssssssssshhhhhh" that's the noise it makes. Meat being torn up before it is served. It comes from the german word "fleisch" which is almost the same sound. Like "meow" and "miaow." Cultural differences, that's all. A meatly fruit, like a peach, it makes that sound too. That is why they talk about the "flesh" of the peach. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
3:47 pm	Let's Gay eh I like the cyborg one beter I stand corrected (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
1:50 pm	a cautionary tale indeed So I got up to throw away the remains of my lunch and open the window so I could watch the rain. As I was doing so I started to sing to myself. I was singing "Breakfast" by the Evolutionary Control Committee, the refrain of which goes along the lines of "bisquick bisquick bisquick bisquick bisquick pancakes waffles." Then, on the way back to my chair, I tripped over a power cord and yelled, but since I was already singing, what happened is that I just ended up saying the song really loud. So I just shouted "BISQUICK" into my empty office, loud enough for my boss to hear. He walked in and said, "What?" I replied "Bisquick." He said, "oh." and left. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
12:07 pm	internet quizes are for utter faggots But I can't walk around with a single entry in my journal now can I? You are a Social Liberal (80% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (20% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating (1 Comment |Comment on this)